Stephen Barnard is a suspense / horror writer from the north west of England. He’s been indie publishing titles for a number of years, and has a range of novels and short story collections in the genre. His latest novel, ‘No One Is Leaving’, involves a group of old friends on a reunion weekend, snowed into their accommodation with a vampire-like plus-one.
He has also published YA books, sports non-fiction and a science fantasy trilogy. He’s taught high school English for nearly 30 years and has two sons studying at university. When he’s not writing he’s binge-watching horror movies. His wife is very understanding.
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ABIDE WITH ME
by
Stephen Barnard
Kai sat on the toilet, blade from the broken disposable razor in hand, and pondered his first cut.
He didn’t know if this was the answer to the spiralling darkness in which he found himself. In many ways, he couldn’t see the sense in it. But he knew of those at school who cut, and somehow it worked for them. At the very least, they got noticed. Just that would be something.
He looked at both bare thighs and made a decision. The right was closest. He made an instinctive slash just above the knee, before he could change his mind.
The cut was approximately two inches long, and not very deep. Still, it stung; an underscore of crisp pain. It pulled in all the attention from his cloudy mind; the only thing that mattered was the thin trickle of blood over the curve of his flesh. He dabbed at it with tissue before it hit the tiles, then watched fresher rivulets before repeating the process.
Not pain underscored, but pain crossed out. A line through it.
He relocated to his bedroom, not wanting to arouse parent suspicion, and spent the next hour monitoring his cut. Eventually, just before midnight, he pulled an old sports support bandage up over his leg, encasing the wound with welcome pressure. For the first time in ages, he got off to sleep easily.
**
In the morning, when Kai looked at the bandage, he was confused. He expected a blood stain, but not this. Turned up at the corners, it looked like a smile. He peeled the bandage back and saw the wound was slightly inflamed, puffy round the incision, like it had acquired lips overnight.
It too was smiling.
‘What the hell?’ Kai prodded it tentatively.
The mouth on his thigh puckered and tightened, like a child not accepting food.
Kai frowned. ‘I… I don’t understand.’
Then it spoke: clipped, terse, the edges of the cut moving swiftly. ‘Quit fucking prodding.’
‘Who… are you?’
‘A friend, but not for much longer if you keep sticking me with your finger.’
‘I don’t have friends.’
‘Don’t be so morose. Come on: we’re running late.’
Kai didn’t know what to do, other than what was expected. It was a school day, so he pulled the bandage back over the… mouth, and got on with getting ready.
It continued to speak, only now the voice was in his head. Directing his routine, selecting his seat on the bus, commenting on passengers. At school it offered its forceful opinion on everything: subjects, teachers, class-mates. ‘That Harry Lord is a real shit. You can’t let him talk to you like that.’
‘Be quiet,’ Kai muttered. The girl in front of him in the lunch line turned and gave him a funny look.
‘You should slit that bastard’s throat.’
It carried on for the entire afternoon.
And for the next two days.
Finally Kai had had enough, and – on the toilet once again – confronted it. ‘Stop the constant talking and crazy notions; you’re driving me nuts!’
‘I’m talking, brother, whether you like it or not. If you don’t, give me someone else to talk to.’
‘You mean…’
There was malice in the tone. ‘You know what I mean.’
Kai did, and remembered positively that first incision. Pain crossed out for a time. But look what it became…
But if there were two they could talk to each other and leave him out of it. He made another cut, an inch below the first, teeth gritted at the sharp bite of steel. ‘Yes, Kai – that’s right! It’s a good one!’
He observed this second incision as he did the first, but not for as long, because the other kept interfering, enthused about potential company. Kai covered them up with the bandage and retired to bed.
He was woken in the middle of the night by arguing. It took him a few seconds to realise where it was coming from. He pulled back the duvet and rolled down the bandage.
‘You are so obnoxious!’
‘And you’re such a fucking priss!’
He begged them to stop but they continued to go at it for the next hour, completely ignoring him. Eventually, the second voice – warmer, female – addressed him. ‘The only way past this is for better company, don’t you think?’
‘You… you want me to…’
‘Someone for him and someone for me. At the very least, it’ll dilute that brute’s influence on the group.’
‘The group?’
‘All the silent ones in here, waiting…’
The first one yelled. ‘If it’ll shut that bitch up, do it!’
Kai kept the blade inside a book by his bed. He retrieved it, and without thinking, slashed two more cuts – cruder than the others and not as uniform – across the upper part of his thigh. ‘Now leave me alone!’ He didn’t nurture these fresh wounds like before, but flopped back on his bed.
**
He dozed, fitfully. Weak sunlight was peering through the blinds when the voices brought him round again. It was melodic this time; at least two voices in harmony with one another. They were singing hymns: Kai recognised them from his Catholic upbringing.
‘You’re awake? Good.’ It was the first voice. ‘Can you hear what they’re doing to try and drive me out? Those bitches. You need to find me an ally in here. Come on, brother: cut, cut, cut!’
The first voice kept shouting while the other three sang. If I can just give him someone, then they all might leave me be.
He reached for the blade again and went to work.
**
They pushed him for more: deeper cuts to make louder voices. A choir to drown out the original aggressor. Eventually, after many incisions, he had it so the first voice could no longer be heard: those ladies sang loud and true. It was his grandfather’s favourite – he’d requested it for his funeral – with which they serenaded him.
Kai bled out to the optimistic strains of Abide With Me.